morgueville,heartland living.

i feel neurotic.

waking up to the worst of moods. and dragged myself to school today feeling all gloomy and not even knowing why. i feel like crumbling down into pieces yet not knowing if anyone could piece me back together. because i can't bring to help myself. the weather isn't exactly on my side, adding on to its mellow. chinese lecture today perked me up a little. and i felt happy for a mere tick of a second. we were all being lame again and indulging in cheap thrills. i could laugh. but not real enough. for a long time i've always asked myself, what kind of laughter is genuine? if i was really amused inside. or merely just making sounds to please myself and others. i could have been laughing without a real cause for my entire life. (i felt bad dragging others to my wrench by not being such a sport, laughing loud enough. apologies.)

i had to put them aside. and for the first time i was extremely nervous speaking in front of my class for presentation. not knowing what i'm ranting about and just all immensed into a greyscale whirlwind. my classmates looked different today. after that i forgot about mr tan's mentoring and headed straight for my sanctury. yet it hadn't got better.

it had better.