Tears, fears and a packet of hot milo peng.

It's not exactly clinically prescribed, but I've been having insomnia for the past year or so. I find it impossible to sleep at 10pm. Maybe it's because I am a TV junkie and that's when the Primetime programming really starts. And then there is the internet. So normally, I hit the sack at around 3am. 2:45 if I've got work the next day and need to be up by 5:30.

I was on duty yesterday on a Sunday, and found myself with absolutely nothing to do after Primetime at 10. The television was two levels down, there was no internet and I've done what I had to do. Nothing. To. Do. I finished re-reading 8Days for the 26th time. I had to scrimp on my iPod battery after watching Family Guy in the day. 10:37pm. It was like, morning! I had to find something to distract myself from dwelling into The Abyss of Melancholic Self-Reflections.

I couldn't bring myself to sleep before midnight. This would mean breaking my insomniac cycle. I tidied up the place. I tried reading the copy of War And Peace in my bunk, used as a decorative item. But I couldn't get past the first chapter. I was busy looking for something to do so my mind wouldn't stray. I plugged on my earphones.


The howling barks of the neighbouring dogs and the straining echoes of the crickets were my company. Yet it made the silence more deafening than before, so I plugged on the radio. There's a song by Tanya Chua called 'Let You Down' which always depresses me everytime I hear it, yet speaks to me like how some people can relate to whatever Oprah says. The first line of the song goes, 'Midnight is when loneliness creeps within.' It does.

So I turned off the lights and closed my eyes. Half-past Eleven.

*


I remember those adventure camps in primary school, where we had to walk on the high ropes obstacles, several stories high. To conquer it, I told myself to go on and get it over with. But as I buckled on and stood there, ready to go, my mind was in a fix of fearful emotions. So many questions, so many doubts. I was practically shaking. My heart says go, but my mind said no. Suddenly, I went ahead, walking fast. Before I knew it, I fall, hanging in the air.


*


It was a pretty good sleep. Well, I did wake up once or twice in the night 'cos it was cold. But you know what they say about insomnia, it's all in the mind.

Then I left camp this morning with a packet of hot milo peng in my hand.