General ramblings.

I've been nua-ing at home the entire week since I gotten my pink IC on Monday, eating and sleeping my fat life away. I called it 'hermit-ing', basically just shutting my life out from everyone else except the telly and my fridge. I took days to reply text messages and emails, hardly went online - even if I do I switch my MSN off. A part of me was - get this - depressed over the fact that my bloody mandatory military stint is actually over, and just the week before I was still on my duties with everyone else. Maybe it's the people I am missing, or the absence of routine that queasing me over.

The bigger part of me being depressed was to accept the fact that I am the laziest person in this world and beyond, and that I need to get a job.

Well, I have a job now. If all goes well this Tuesday I will start work when I return from my family trip in China. Though this stint has nothing to do with the arts or films, I see it as the perfect platform for me to improve on my socialising skills.
Talking to new people is something I am very anal at, the very irony is that I am always trying to come across as au naturel, like a smooth operator who has been doing this his entire life. I thought it'd be easy since I've been talking to my imaginary friends for years. The tragedy of it all is to realise these imaginary people are now real.

For years I harbour huge dreams and big plans, and talking about them is easy, until reality burst the bubble I was living in.

When I was young, one thing I really hated to hear from my parents and relatives was to tell me that I 'gey-kiang', or act smart. So I'd rather not do anything, and became this meek and timid four-eyed geek who talks incoherently while growing up. In the same process I am discovering myself.

So over the years I've learnt that:

• I talk incoherently, or there's always no main point that I am really driving at. I can tell you one thing and the next moment I get overly excited about something else and everything just falls apart at that very moment. Perhaps it's because I hate the feeling of forgetting what I want to say because if I cannot remember, it will bug me for weeks. It shows in my essays, too.
  
• I am very inconsistent, which is incidentally my former Economics tutor's favourite term on me.
  
• Incoherent talks and inconsistency. I think I have the attention span of an attention-seeking puppy.
  
• My alter ego lives inside me, dying to get out but chained emotionally by Saturn. Well, this is according to Linda Goodman's Sun Signs. I think there is a certain truth to this though. There are things I believe I am capable of, but when I actually do it I begin to fumble. Maybe I will have him to talk about himself the next time round.

I do believe I am not sounding sane. But I am not drunk or anything and it's only 2 in the morning.

I don't even know what I'm really talking about. Do you??