morgueville,heartland living.

"Dear Mum, and Dad,

I am leaving for New York tomorrow.
I am sorry to drop this bombshell so late and oh yes, I will be gone for 4 years. I had managed to get into a film school, majoring in films and television (Maurice Kanbar Institute of Films and Television, Tisch School of The Arts, NYU.).

I couldn't bring myself to announce this news any earlier because I didn't want to see your reactions, or rather the non-existence of it. I couldn't bring myself to not do anything about it after saying I gonna do it because I probably won't. Then I would be a disappointment. I don't want to be a disappointment you think I am. The disappointment who dreamt too much. The disappointment who never fails to disappoint. I may not be filled with pragmatic sensibilities like Big Sister. Or the academic nobility like Small Sister. And I am always the one that worries you all the time. The one who repeated his studies, the one who couldn't do maths, the one who spent too much.

But I am not a good-for-nothing.

I have ambitions. I want to be a film-maker. Remember when we used to watch Taiwanese soaps and those Hong Kong movies on Sundays at Grandma's house and how I could predict the plot before it happened? Godma said I should be a director. I took her word for it. I probably went delirious at that moment. But that was when I told myself yes, I want to be a film director. I was 10.

And then Dad's brother predicted that with my meek exterior I will eventually become a teacher or work for the government. "Oh it's not that bad, the rice bowl is stable," he said. I believed him for 5 minutes before I told myself, that guy don't know me and prayed hard that he was wrong.

So anyway, I am leaving tomorrow. I kept myself busy preparing for the school entrance over the empty army years. Don't worry about the money. I am kept by a sugardaddy in exchange for all the expenses. I found a suitable bank loan with the lowest interest rate. But still, I will be paying them back for the rest of my life. Hey, it will mean I can finally kill off my spending habits. No, Mum. It is not going to aggravate. I will truly be independent from now on. My friend found me a job washing plates and delivering take-aways at Chinatown. Meals provided. So it's all good. I will still eat Chinese food, for free, and earn cash while I go on lab trips.

Don't worry about me. New York is very safe. I will not be murdered and dumped at the alleyway by Italian mafias. And don't listen to what your friends and Alicia Keys say, Harlem is as safe as it sounds. I can easily blend in and I am in a safe neighbourhood. It's not like I will be staying in Bronx anyway haha. So don't worry about me.

Alright, enough said. I will call when I have enough cash to spare. Attached are the information about my school and how you can contact me via snail mail. Email me too, it's a digital world out here. Maybe I will be back for Chinese New Year, if I can manage the dough.

With Love,
Shu-Ming
XXX"

I will do it eventually. I just need a rehearsal for what may really happen. Ah well.

[earwax]: Frank Sinatra - New York, New York; The Black Eyed Peas - My Hump.